I Lost 25 Pounds

I’m strong, lean, and in the best shape I’ve been in since I did 75 Hard during Covid 6 years ago when I was still wiping down groceries before bringing them in the house.

So many people have asked how I did it so I figured I’d share.

The obvious answer is eating cleaner, limiting alcohol, and working out 6 days a week.

The real story is that I’m getting divorced.

Today, I live in an apartment primarily alone.

My wife The children’s mom and I split the time with the kids and we still sit down for family dinners together now and then.

For me there’s no fingers to point. The one thing in common with all of my challenges and problems is me.

“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.”
-Jean De La Fontaine

In 2021, I wrote the book Stop Living on Autopilot. It’s done fantastic and has been published in multiple languages around the world.

What I didn’t know at the time of the book being published, or blissfully ignored, was that I was writing the book for really no one else but me. It’s comical but I think I wrote that book 5 years too early.

When I read it now, first I’m blown away because I think it’s still dope.

Second, I laugh because like most folks I’m better at coaching others and giving them advice than doing the same for myself.

All the things I avoided or didn’t address, even before my marriage, led me straight to this apartment and new season of life.

I thought your boy was fast but life always catches up to you at the most inconvenient times.

The last year and 8 months have been no joke. Lots of joy too. But no joke.

In January 2025 we lost our family home in the Los Angeles wildfires. I escaped with just 4 backpacks.

So far 2026 has been a mixed bag.

In March I totaled my car. This was the first car accident I’d been in since high school when I wrapped my white manual Nissan Sentra around a tree trying to avoid a raccoon on a country Michigan road.

In August I celebrated my birthday and took my first big trip with just me and the kiddos and it was a success.

Throughout all of this my focus has been on our kids.

As a child of divorce (my parents have 6 divorces between them), one thing I always wanted to get right was this marriage thing and be an incredible parent.

Now I can see that maybe that was the wrong metric and success doesn’t always mean a couple staying together.

And, I can still be an incredible father and I will be.

When I was sad, afraid, and wondering if the kids would be ok someone told me something that I needed to hear:

“The kids will be ok if you’re ok.”

Right on.

So that’s what I’m doing. Doing what I need to do to make sure I’m ok even though it’s heartbreaking not to be in the same house as my kids every night.

It’s not easy and I don’t think it’s supposed to be. Grief doesn’t discriminate.

Most times to make sure I’m “ok” looks like doing “nothing.” Sitting and being with the ebbs and flows of all the feels and emotions.

Other times (read: a lot of the time) it looks like doing everything I can to avoid sitting and being with the ebbs and flows of all the feels and emotions.

Regardless, I’ve learned that what we need to feel always catches up to you. Sometimes it’s when I’m sitting in LA traffic that takes 45 minutes to go 4 miles. Other times it’s at 3 AM when the “night demons” wake me up. And lots of times it’s when a song comes on Spotify that destroys me.

In the midst of all of this, I’ve thrown myself into work like never before. Maybe too much but I’m enjoying it.

I’m building like crazy, collaborating with some amazing people, and learning a lot.

It’s funny that though I’ve made my living primarily as a public speaker over the past 10 plus years, I no longer really identify as a “speaker.” I’m just Tony. T-Neves.

Don’t get me wrong. I love speaking and I’m not planning to retire any time soon but I just don’t identify as a speaker. These days I see myself more as a creator/founder/entrepreneur that wants to make cool stuff that actually helps people.

Two projects I’m working on are taking off faster than anything I’ve ever created before.

The first is something I built to help me in the midst of this season. It’s a simple app called The Question. It asks one direct question every morning:

What will make today matter?

The thing that if it gets done and nothing else happens I can call the day a success.

Some days my answer is working out. Other days it’s finding a new insurance provider. Some days it’s playing a board game with the kids. Other days it’s meeting a friend so I don’t isolate myself at home. And some days it’s 5 business development calls.

It blows me away that people are loving it.

The second project is something I’ve resisted like hell. It has been my Kryptonite.

Admittedly, it has always bothered me when a coach stops actually coaching and instead becomes a coach to help other coaches build their coaching business. Or when speakers become consultants to help other speakers build their speaking business. Call me a hater but I’ve never wanted to be that dude … even though I’m aware that this has everything to do with me and not the folks I’m bothered by.

But now here I am with a project called Build Your Keynote that helps people get paid for what they already know.

Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

It’s for the people who are regularly asked “Can I pick your brain?” or “Do you have 5 minutes for me to run something by you?” that takes 40 minutes.

What makes me ok with it is that this isn’t necessarily for folks who want to be speakers on stages in front of 2,000 people. Instead it’s for people who have years of expertise on personal or professional topics who would like to get paid to share what they know.

I haven’t even officially announced Build Your Keynote and it’s already grabbing attention so consider this the announcement.

Grief is real. I’m also happy. Joy is real.

At times I feel like a failure even though I know that story isn’t true. Other times I feel like a huge success even when I don’t fully believe it all the time.

I think I’ve said enough for now.

I’m getting divorced and that’s ok. We went as far as we could go together and all of it was beautiful, even the hard parts.

That’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, I’m impressed with us. And grateful.

And that’s the story behind the 25 pounds.

Tony

PS: Build Your Keynote is live. If people keep asking to pick your brain, start here.

PPS: What are you celebrating? What are you navigating? Hit reply and tell me.

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