You Get to Pick Your 2:30 AM

Humor, honesty, and the parts most people leave out.

A coaching client of mine is in the middle of one right now. He's in his mid forties, married, a kid, a house, and a great career. From the outside he has it all figured out. And he's got a great opportunity in front of him: a new role that means moving his family from the East Coast to the West Coast.

So at 2:30 AM his brain goes to work and wakes him up with questions. Is this the right move for his career, his family, and for his kid? They'd need a new house, a new preschool, and a whole new community. Every worst case and best case scenario is running through his mind on repeat while everybody else in the house is asleep.

As we talked through his options, I asked him to picture the other 2:30 AM. The one where he says no to the job. Instead of scheduling movers, he stays put, keeps the house, keeps the preschool, and keeps the job. And a year from now he's awake at 2:30 AM anyway, wondering what would've happened if he'd said yes.

I learned a long time ago that playing it safe doesn't guarantee you a great night's sleep. It just changes what keeps you up.

One wake up is fear and excitement about a decision you made. The other wake up is a “what if” about a decision you didn't. Either way, you're gonna be awake. So I told him the same thing I'm telling you. You get to pick.

He picked. He's moving his family to the West Coast.

The fact that he's up at 2:30 at all tells me he cares and is invested. People who don't care sleep just fine.

My first job after college was as a sales rep for a large food company in South Florida. It was the good job, the one everybody said I should get. As the first person in my family to earn a college degree, that meant a lot. But after nearly a year in the job I wasn’t digging it. I'd always wanted to see what TV was about and tell stories for a living. So I quit the “good job” against the wishes of pretty much everyone and moved to New York City with less than $1,000 in my bank account.

More than 10 years later I had an established, successful TV career in New York City with major networks … and I knew my NYC days were done. I'd gotten what I needed out of the city and the industry. So in 2012 I walked away from TV and moved across the country to Los Angeles to start a new path coaching, writing, and speaking.

Those first couple of years in LA I had plenty of 2:30 AM wake ups. I was finding my footing, I wasn't getting a lot of wins, and 2:30 AM liked to remind me of all of it.

Five books and a lot of stages later it’s worked out for the most part. That's not the point though. Plenty of moves don't work out. The point is I know which 2:30 AM I picked.

To be fair, some people never put feelers out. They never go looking for the other job, the other city, or the other adventure. They just go about life and maybe they're fulfilled and maybe they're not. For them it's c'est la vie and that's ok.

But most of the people I know aren't that person and I'm guessing you aren't either. You want your hands on the wheel and like shifting gears.

The older we get the harder these decisions get. We get married, have kids, buy the house, build the relationships, and accumulate a whole bunch of stuff. Every one of those is a reason to stay put and not to make any changes.

The opportunities also seem to come around a lot less the older we get too. They don't stop existing but we just stop putting ourselves anywhere near situations that would allow them to happen. Windows close and most of the time we don't even see it happen.

All that to say if you’ve got a decision to make it’s time to make it. It might not work out the way you want it to but at least you'll know you made a decision.

Live an interesting life. Nobody's gonna pull up a chair and lean in close to hear about the time you almost did something.

Tony

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PS: What's the window you can feel closing in your life right now? You don't have to have decided anything. Just hit reply and name it. One line is more than enough. I'll write you back.

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